Critiqued By The One I Love

Melor was home for the week-end. We were both seated at the dining table, each engrossed in our respective note-books. Then she let out a long sigh.

Zendra: Apa ni mengeluh macam orang hilang panduan?

Melor: Mieee, your blog ni, poyo lah.

Zendra: Poyo? I don’t understand. What do you mean? All this new-fangled terms are lost on me.

Melor: It means …... susah nak cakap lah ………… like you want to be classy but people can see you are kampong people.

Zendra: Itu orang…. But blog? Hey orang kampong now very sophisticated, you know. Don’t demean people OK?

Melor: You copy-paste , copy-paste only. People want to read what you write when you blog. Some more it looks loud, gawdy ……. poyo lah

Zendra: Alaa give me time-lah. My blog only 1 week old. Start out loud - OK maa, like the creation of the universe ……….BIG BANG!

Anyway, I don’t know how to write.

Melor: Last time when you were working, you were forever typing -typing until ayam berkokok……. Couldn’t stay up with you pun.

Zendra: That wasn’t writing. Those were boring reports ler. RFP, RFQ, evaluations, letters …… I don’t know how to write like “once upon a time, bla, bla,bla….. bla, bla, bla”

Melor(rolls eyes): Mie, can we go to Ajidon for mee rebus. Teringin lah….

Zendra: K. That’s the best thing you’ve said since you opened your mouth just now.

While getting ready, Zendra reminisces back to a day decades ago -

Boss: Zendy. Come.

Zendra: Yes, Boss.

Boss: Nah. Take this back and re-do.

Zendra: Mmmmm, What’s the problem, Boss?

Boss: Your report is very long-winded. You go round the world east-west north-south and round again before you arrive at your conclusion. Even that not clear. What they teach you in university I don’t know.

Zendra(Heart beating furiously): Sorry.

Boss: Some more your words bombastic, even Oxford professor don’t understand. Bahasa Arab pun ada.

Zendra: Bombastic? Arab?

Boss: Ni. Ubi tikus, albait. Albait tu maknanya “rumah itu”, tau?

Zendra: (Laa, ubiquitous …… albeit) Sorry.

Boss: You re-write that and follow the KISS principle.

Zendra: Sorry?

Boss: Keep it simple simple. I have to present it, not you. OK? I want it tomorrow.

Zendra(tears welling up): OK. I’ll try to finish by tomorrow.

If I could narrate those 2 episodes, I would, but I can't. The one with my boss left me creatively-challenged until today. But then, maybe I could write a movie script or a Malaysian drama.

Hmmm ……..that’s a thought …….. Maybe, maybe ........(angan-angan lagi)

(Sorry, can't get the tabbing to work)

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."

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Summertime Blues

4 fascinating singers. Who do you prefer?


Powerful (2006)



Soulful (2004)


Banshee (1969)


Dulcet Tones (1960)

How to be the Perfect Wife the 50's Way

My Mum and (late) Dad were blessed with 9 children. He went out to work and she took care of the household. And he always came home for lunch and dinner, unless off course there were meetings and official dinners that he had to attend. My Mum would then accompany him to these functions, dressed to the nines. I think they had a perfect marriage. She must have done it the 50's way. Read on.

This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood, published by Pacific Press in 1965. The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.

GET YOUR WORK DONE

Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

HAVE DINNER READY

Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF

Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN

Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE

Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.

BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM

Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.

SOME DON'TS

• Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening.
• Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day.
• Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE

Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.

LISTEN TO HIM

You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later.

MAKE THE EVENING HIS

Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.

THE GOAL

Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.

Phew! Alhamdulillah my man IS my nightly bantalpeluk. But still worth picking up on those petua-petua that I'm slacking. OK Zendra, re-invent yourself!

More Super Grannies

Seems I'm obssessed with power grannies this weekend. I do hope when I become one, I'll be as spunky as these ones described below.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Exercise, aging and humour

Who says you lose speed with age? 72-year old granny runs down a teenage hand-bag thief

No, this is not Part 3 of the series I started last week on Exercise and Aging. But, it was too good an opportunity to pass up, because it fits so well, and makes the perfect "weekend interlude".

You can read the story here. It describes how 72-year Jean Hirst of Derbyshire, England, ran down a 15-year bag thief when she tried to make off with Mrs Hirst's handbag.

In the article it describes how the thief had a head start, but Mrs Hirst says she covered 70 yards in about 15 seconds and the girl, with a look of "sheer amazement" on her face, was forced to throw the bag aside when Mrs Hirst was within two strides of her in order to escape!

A big thumbs up for Mrs Hirst for turning back the clock - she was a junior sprint champion at 17.

And I'm guessing that the 15-year old "failed" bag thief is not a prospective London 2012 runner. Thumbs down for stealing from an apparently helpless pensioner, and also for letting that head start slip!

A repeat performance - England has some sprint talent (in the over-65 category)

Amazingly enough, it turns out that this is NOT THE FIRST such occurrence in England - either England has the fastest pensioners in the world, or the slowest teenagers, because in doing a bit of research after receving the story from Jim Ferstle (thanks as always, Jim!), I found this story from October 2008:

Granny Janet Lane runs teenager to ground over snatched pension

Same situation, except Mrs Lane was 68, and the theives were boys. Incredibly, Mrs Lane ran them down despite wearing sandals. She had been a cross-country champion back in 1953, and had apparently kept herself in shape ever since!

So another thumbs up for Janet Lane! And another thumbs down for those British teenagers - lacking morals, as well as fast twitch muscle fibers!

Last word is a quote by Jean Hirst:

I didn't think of my safety, but I did pay for it a little the next day. I was covered in aches and pains and my daughter turned to me and said it was because I didn't warm up properly.

Have a great weekend, and join me for the rest of the series on Aging next week!

Ross

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Great site, this.

Till next time, keep well.

What's HER Secret?

I don't know what to make of this piece of news I came across in the NST yesterday.

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For 37-year old Muhammad Noor and wife, 106-year old Wok, every day is Valentine's Day

Wok Kundor and her husband Muhammad Noor Che Musa are deeply committed to each other despite the big age gap.

KUALA TERENGGANU: When Muhammad Noor Che Musa and Wok Kundor tied the knot just over three years ago, nobody gave their marriage much of a chance to survive.

After all, he had just turned 34 and the bride was 103.

Now, three years on, the couple who reside in Kampung Tok Bak near here have surprised many by staying happily married and proving that love will conquer all, if given a chance.

Noor, from Tanah Merah, said almost every family member, friend and neighbour had once dismissed his decision to marry Wok as a desperate attempt for companionship.

"In the beginning, we were the talk of the town, if not the whole state and country. We ended up in the news a few times.
"But now, most of the people I care about, especially my family and close friends, have accepted Wok as my life partner. Most of our neighbours have also accepted that this marriage is for the long-haul," he said yesterday.

Wok, who was born in Bachok but has been living in Kuala Berang district for more than 50 years, said some neighbours hurled hurtful remarks at them in the beginning but patience and perseverance finally won them over.

"I couldn't say the same about the press though, as from time to time, some newspaper or magazine from as far as Singapore, Indonesia, China and Japan will come looking for stories.

"They must have been disappointed to find out that we're living a normal life.

"Sometimes, I just wish that people will leave us alone but I guess there's really no chance of that happening as there are not many 106-year-old women with 37-year-old husbands," she said laughingly.

When asked how it had all began, Noor said it was certainly not love at first sight. What started as friendship developed into something stronger and eventually led to a matrimonial bond which, according to him, would only take death to part them.

"I know some people are wondering why we decided to get married but rest assured that it has nothing to do with material things as we are living modestly on my income as odd-job labourer and Wok's RM200 allowance from the Welfare Department," he said.

"I don't know how poor we are but we lost most of our worldly possession, including television set, washing machine, stove, fans and even our beds when our house was burgled in December. We have yet to replace some of the items."

Wok was quick to add that the most important thing was they had each other.

She claimed it was a good thing that they did not have their television set as it had given them more time to read the Quran together.

As for the secret to their blissful marriage, Wok said like any other, theirs also had some ups and downs but she added it was vital to remember not to go to bed angry with each other.

When asked if he had to make sacrifices in order to be with Wok, Noor said it was no sacrifice at all and that he had never been happier.

Both husband and wife also admitted they were not too familiar with Valentine's Day but said if it meant a day for professing love for one another, then every day for the past three years had been Valentine's for them.

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I mean, there's 70 years between their birth-dates!
Do they DO it? (you know ....... what married people do...........).
Or are they into spiritual orgasms of the kind we may never experience?
What's HER secret I would really love to know.